Hangover Skincare: How to Look Like you Didn't Get Most of Your Sleep in the Front Seat of a Corolla

by Jozalyn Sharp, 8/29/2018, 12:30 PM

I hear my friend, Mike Simpson, talking cheerily with our hostess. He asks about her sons and the night starts to flash back to me. Did we see a deer in the front yard? Did I dream that? Why is my face so hurty? Then I peel it off the leather couch it's stuck to and ask the same thing about my head. I look at Mike and mentally send him pictures of coffee and bacon and biscuits with gravy. He must be getting the hint because he heads in to shower. I know I have no time. Hygiene is for the young and spry. If I don't get greasy solids into my stomach to wrestle down the incorrectly made Irish car bombs we did the night before, I am going to have a much bigger problem on my hands. I cannot be all barfy for the drive I had ahead of me. I have 6 hours before the next show. It's back in Las Vegas so that will give me about 20 minutes to get ready. I can't even get some hair of the dog in me to alleviate my internal suffering. I have to drive. I know I look like a hot turd on the hood of a Pontiac, so I reach into my backpack for my trusty face sheet mask: the basic bitch's human white out. 

     Face sheet masks have blown up in popularity over the past few years (Check out this article the Guardian published on the rise of the sheet mask). I love them. I love the ease of use. Open it up, pull it out, slather it all over your face, boom you're a new woman. On second read, that came out wrong. 
     I can find them in pretty much any beauty store out there now. Ulta has a fantastic selection of brands from all over the world, Sephora carries a wide array, and Bath and Body Works has one of my current favorite collections. 
     I keep these face sheet masks on hand whenever I go on long road gigs. The traveling is really hard on your skin. Different altitudes, humidity, and water quality across the country means some skin care is a must if you don't want to end up looking like the poster boy/girl for binge drinking. Plus for me, it's important that I present a happy fresh face for the wonderful people who drag themselves out of their homes to come and see me in these clubs and bars across the country. 
     There are some other easy to find and inexpensive items you can keep in your travel toiletry bag for quick fixes and to give your skin a little bit of life back. I am not the best with skin care overall, but I have had to undo the damage inflicted on my skin by my love of whiskey on almost a weekly basis. Here's my tool kit of Hangover Skincare supplies: 

1. Witch Hazel
Witch Hazel is a natural astringent. As I get older, I appreciate more and more the quick facelift this skin tightener gives you. Apply liberally on clean dry skin to snap that skin back to ten years ago. Learn from me, applying to your vagina will not have the same affect as your face. 
Another plus to witch hazel is it's anti-inflammatory properties, this will help reduce any redness or swelling you have going on from partying and falling asleep with your makeup on. 

2. Apple Cider Vinegar
Dual use for me here. First I eat like shit when I'm on the road so a shot of this every morning gives my digestive system the little boost it needs to fight off those gas station taquitos I had for breakfast. Secondly, it's a great way to naturally get rid of large pimples or zits. Just soak a cotton ball in it and hold tightly against the affected area, and most times I see it gone within 24 hours. I've seen it do wonders immediately for the redness. I will only use Bragg's Apple Cinder Vinegar with Mother because you need all those lovely live bacteria, proteins, and enzymes to do their thing. 

3. Pond's Cold Cream
My grandmother swears by this drugstore face cream. It smells like a nursing home on date night and has the consistency of warm Crisco. However, my grandmother looks 50 and she's in her 70's. Same goes for her mother before her, and they all swore by the same product: Pond's. In the morning and at night. I love to slather my face with this stuff before I go to bed on days I'm feeling particularly dry. I'll wake up in the morning more moisturized than ever, and needing to wash my pillow cases because it looks like a Rorschach test. I've opened up my world to other overnight face creams, some more expensive and some less, and I always come back to Pond's. 

I know there are a lot of great skin care products out there, but I'm a creature of habit and I am extremely poor. These are options for girls like me. Girls who don't take skin care as seriously as they should, but also kinda want to try. Kinda.